Balance and Trust

I'm in a lab. that the postdoc can't even balance the rotor of the centrifuge, and I'm in a lab. building that although I'm wearing a photo student ID, I've still been bag-checked more than 5 times in the past 3 months when I leave the building for my class or for the day. Not when I walk in, they don't care what I bring in, but they do care what I bring out, in case I stuff the ultra centrifuge or the mini-prep kit in my backpack, I'm sure.

It sounds weird, but I guess that's how it is, I'll always be the yellow skin foreigner with accents here, most people will still ask me how the weather is in China ? Or Taiwan, Thailand, Macao, and Hong Kong won't be too much different in any sense to anyone. I've been asked many questions, besides above, besides bag-checked, such as if Chinese were in WWII (my grandpa fought 8 years for that and 3 of his family members die from it); does Taiwan need to pay tax to China; why Chinese never EVOLVED to use forks ?

I've tried, for a while, I think both China and Taiwan should grant me as a culture ambassador. But I've come to realize that no one ask me to do so. I'm just a fool myself who tried to fool myself.


9th Thanxgiving ~

Post Thanksgiving, Pre Xmas, if you will.
It's a time for especially Americans to prepare for the holidays and the new year. A little bit similar to the post New Year, pre Chinese New Year time in Taiwan.

My mom thinks it's not really a benevolence to have all these holidays, because it will just make people with less feel even worse.

As for me, the older I get, the less spirits I have for these holidays. Well, the Chinese New Year is still fun with all the food, but even that I don't feel too much necessary to wear brand new clothes for the first day in the Chinese New Year according to the traditions. Probably in this aspect I grew into an adult, -- it's just nice to have some days off.

The funny thing is that, we always have our Xmas tree set up from the Xmas to the Chinese New Year during my growing up years back home in Taiwan. And here I am in the US, as a foreigner and as a constant traveler, family and home are terms half earth away, rental apartments and visa jobs are neither words for even temporary relieves, Xmas trees are equivalent to wishes: better not to have them.

According to the story of the Pandora's box, when it was accidentally opened and all these negativities coming out to the human world, but one thing left, hope. Hope is maybe a more moderate word than wish, but I still can't say that since my reality costs too much to spend any on those words. I don't think I lost the ability to dream, but I think I lost the ability to believe dreams, and make them true.


Made in Taiwan !

I'm made in Taiwan also !


between thinking and dreaming ~

Has again been awhile to do something on my blog.
Too busy, too lazy, too happy and/or too sad is neither way to write.

When reality becomes unbearable, imagination took over and brains re-prioritized. In the twilight zone of consciousness, fractions of the past start to collect, I start to remember things I like, people I love, dreams I want, feelings I need, and everything almost like in the past lives.

I think my mind is sorting and analyzing, without my knowledge. But I can feel it's important; a 31 years old unmarried woman living in a foreign country as a foreigner for more than 8 years; things learned: many, lessons learned: better never been here in the US; questioning the meanings and existances.

Once heard a saying: it's not the length of life that is important, but the width.
Why ? Shouldn't it be the depth ? Shouldn't it be all dimensions ? Even dimensions beyond our recognizing.

Life is important, and the importance is life.